i'm sorry. but also you're welcome?...

those of you who know me know that i am the most oblivious person known to man. you could walk into the store wearing a cat as a hat and chances are i wouldn't say a thing but i wouldn't not be saying a thing due to lack of judgment, which, hey, if cats as hats are your thing more power to you but either way you wouldn't hear a peep out of me because i probably wouldn't have noticed your feline beret.

there is a point to this story and it is that i drove by the store this morning on my way to the bank, took a looksie at mod/nos, lovingly thinking, "look at our store. i'm so prou...wait, is that a package that the ups man left outside? why would he do that? why didn't he leave a note? what if someone walks by and steals it? why on earth would he do that? well if someone steals it i'm sure we can prove to ups that the man just left it outside and it was stolen. should i call someone to get it before a passerby burgles it? i wonder how long it's been sitting there. and why has no one stolen it yet? i'm so confused." and then i actually walked up to the store which means i walked by the windows and that was about three hours ago and it took until now for me to notice that we are not only in sale mode (entire store is 20% off today and tomorrow) but there are no mannequins in the window. it seems that Gladys has repositioned them around the store as though she's putting on a dress rehearsal for some sort of play that she wrote while we were at home wearing our santa hats, eating candy canes and cheers-ing giant steins of nog.

yes, all this can be yours at 20% off.

listen, the canon powershot is at the hospital so i have to use the iphone for the picture taking and although the new iphone is supoosed to be all high and mighty with it's built-in flash it's not all that it's promised to be. don't get me wrong though. i love my iphone. it's the only way. but i'm just sayin. and i know you miss the amazing pics i once took with Maria Sharpova's camera.

what have you taken from this pointless banter? let me know please because my head is spinning since someone made me go out last night.

oh, and the box outside...it wasn't a package from ups. or fed ex. or santa, which i did actually consider in the thought process as i almost crashed my car cursing the delivery man. it was a huge styrofoam thing that i'm sure protected someone's Christmas electronic something or other. it was not as exciting (or tasty) as the smashed can of chili we found last week. now that was a nice little gift to walk up to.

box this

sup ladies and gents. Gladdi-O here. i see that new mannequin person, Gwendolyn (i call her Gwench) thinks she's hysterical and posted something about how amazing her poses are something or other which i'm super unhappy about but will happen NO MORE because i snapped off her magnetic legs and hands and tied her old-school style to the tree she stood so proudly beside and now she has all of 36 hours to sit there and think twice about stealing my thunder ever again! hopefully by the time they find her Sunday morning all the flora and fauna will have gnawed off the rest of her limbs and she will regret setting foot in the new store.

anyhow, avoid your own drama boxing day and this sunday only enjoy 30% off your entire purchase. this sale excludes previous purchases.

p.s. i love bold font.

p.m.s. don't mess with the mannequin.

gone are the days of Gladys

so here i am bitchezzzz. out with the old and in with the new hot sexy stylish charming fascinating bestest-ever mannequin, as the saying goes. i've been hearing allllllll these stories about Gladys and the fame she gained from being the "it" girl on Allen but now we're on Hertel and it's my turn. after all, i'm the fly on the wall. i'm the captain that steers the ship. i'm the baddest girl in the bad girls club. i'm the Kim of the Kardashians. i live in the window at mod/nos hertel-style and that makes me the eyes and ears of the Avenue but yet no one has attempted to follow me around or hide in the tree that i stand beside and pop out to take my picture unexpectedly, almost dropping my baby or getting out of a limo sans underpinnings. no, i'm NOT a washed-up has-been so why does no one do a story about ME? the time has come to take matters into my own hands, future fans.

like i said, here i am, standing all bad-ass in the left side of the window if you're facing the store. all layered up, i'm guessing we're going for the snow bunny look which totally makes sense but only if i'm the kind of snow bunny who faux skis. instead you'll find me sipping hot toddies by the fireplace in the lodge while having the fireplace boy massage my bare feet, which is so because mod/nos does not yet carry shoes. or snow boots.

might i also comment on how sexily i stand here in the window, unlike Gladys the Bore. my left leg juts out just so, creating a beautiful silhouette for my size two (zero) frame. the way i stand makes me look like i am in motion which makes me a very spicy and dynamic mannequin, although i heard when you walk you swing left arm with right leg but ambulation is new to me so what do i know. i'm sure i'll learn more about that when i go to modeling school in the spring.

in closing, i'm going to go above and beyond my duties as a model and let you know that i heard the owners talking about a sale that is going on until sunday. holiday dresses are 25% off and since i know you all are party-ers i'm sure you're going to need something to wear before you drink so much of the punch that you are not wearing your party dress.

ciao for now...